• (I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
• Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
• Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
• Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
• Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
• (I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)

codons:

this girl who rode my bus once came up to me and was like “oh my god dont get offended or anything but are you GAAAAAAAAAAY?!” and i was like yeah and then she was like “OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO HANG OUT AND GO SHOPPING” and i was like “dont get offended or anything but are you ASIAN?!” and she was like “omg yeah im filipino” and i was like “OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO MAKE SPRING ROLLS AT YOUR HOUSE SOME TIME” and she never talked to me again 

(via fillmyheadwithyou)

if youre attractive and you talk to me first, chances are im very confused

(Source: burqalicious, via sweetbabyjeezus)

• Boy in my class: *draw lines on his arm with a red marker and making jokes about self harm* Ohh, it hurts so much, i am emo and im going to kill myself
• Our teacher: *walks up behind him, looks at what he is doing*
• Boy: Do you wanna see my favorite cut? *points at on of the lines he had drawn*
• Teacher: *pulls up his sleeve and reveal an arm with lots of scars and points at the biggest* do you wanna see mine?
• Boy: *gasping, and staring at the teacher's arm* but....
• Teacher: Please dont make jokes about self harm, ok! you never know which one of those around you who are actually dealing with it. And its not a joke.